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| the external-internalized digestion of externalized process. (drawn by VeganBeats) |
Insecurities are birthed from countless situations; influences in our childhood (peers, family systems, etc), environments, inspired through relationships (romantic/sexual/casual/work/etc.) , societal standards, etc etc etc. We can't quickly destroy them but we can work with them and eventually work them through. Like a clogged pipe, with the right materials, chemicals, advice~ things can get back to flowing freely...until another clog, right?
We all have a digestive system, one that works out the physical fuel and calories we pack into our system, but there is an emotional and internal digestive system too, the one I'm focusing on is how we process a view or judgement of ourselves.
Of course, this is theory, hypothetical on my part~ I'm speaking from a point of view that is of my own and in my own observation of others. People generally have a sense of self that can alter and change due to the words and behaviors of others, it's not due to being artificial, more so survival. Within each of our cliques, there are certain actions that we mentally feel "fit" better or are easier to behave through when with a certain community.
ie: How I act in the workplace is generally different from how I behave amongst my friends.
In my past, I used to carry a lot of self-doubt, it controlled a lot of what I did, what I said, wore, did on my free time, etc. The community I surrounded myself with I constantly doubted. I didn't know whether or not they genuinely wanted me around. Now, was this due to those individuals on a personal level? No, it was my own parts placing assumptions upon their own parts. I was manipulating my own fears into a false sense of reality. But it also didn't help matters that that community was not a positive one.
Where am I trying to go with this post~ we take external values, statements, beliefs and digest them internally so that eventually we can express those now "recycled" externalized-internalized "statements" and mentally/physically externalize them.
Maybe this will be better understood with a provided example. I love dancing, I have a blast doing it and have always wanted to be a good dancer, I never thought I had good rhythm until someone put the energy into telling me I did. After that external validation, I was able to internalize it and then believe it...so now I'm dancing with confidence versus the fleeting insecurities that once existed in my realm of dancing.
make any sense?
Through observations of people in relationships, I've seen them experience a lot of growth, and self acknowledgement. People transform in relationships, and it's inevitable. When you choose to spend so much time with one person, influence is natural, so some parts of you will develop, either for the better or sometimes worse, but still some sort of progress is occurring. Usually (hopefully) validation is happening in relationships, verbally expressed fears or doubts are reversed and instead self-confidence built and supported. Quash the negativity. Being in any sort of relationship opens infinite doorways of possibility, not just in terms with that person, I'm focusing more on the self. Whether you agree or not, what others say and tell you influences you, leaves a mark of some sort. You may not bring the message home with you, but some statements you will cling to and they may very well influence you to develop somehow, not always with effort either. They naturally change you, and your view of yourself. If someone you care about tells you they love your ___...in time appreciating whatever that is becomes naturally easier.
Traveling back to my self-doubting days, I will not deny that those parts are still existent, but they are far more silent than before. The relationships I have been in, or are still involved with have helped those parts grow more tolerant and quieter. Going out in a dress used to be a challenge, come post-work time, those are what I rock! Acknowledging my power was something invisible to me before, externalized statements and support was internalized and now is expressed in me, for me, on an external basis.
Seeing this theory, naturally the brain, internal parts seek out that external validation and support. Hearing compliments, positive feedback, loving remarks are desired, they are what we want and (dare I say) need in getting that extra push in believing in ourselves...get a little internalization going so we can digest it AND use it.
Do we regularly spend time with people that we feel horrible around, do you want a community of people where you finish your night feeling worse about yourself?
Are you actively choosing to feel like less of a person?
If your answering yes...why?
Why put yourself through this?
Why hinder your progress?
Your growth, your enjoyment in yourself?
I will readily admit, I want to become and grow into a super confident~ SUPER confident rocking woman...a lot of it I will have to do myself, but a lot of it I realize will have to do with those I surround myself with. If I'm only spending time with people that make me feel less than or negative; becoming a confident person is impossible. If I'm around supportive, like-minded, positive people, this goal~ hope, is possible.
Another example of what I'm trying to explain is seeking approval, or compliment fishing. So many times when I was younger, well when anyone is a child, any sort of creation you ask someone you like (usually parents) "Did I do a good job?" or "Do you like it?"~ actively seeking approval so that you can internalize that compliment and feel better about yourself, externalize it.
When you're with friends or your partner, "Does this look good?" or the negative "I feel fat." "I don't like my body."etc.~ you're seeking a compliment. Not saying that these are not valid personal thoughts, but it is externally expressed with sub-conscious hopes of a positive remark instead. To a certain degree, everything is said or vocalized in hopes of getting some sort of attention. Attention is not a bad thing, it's natural and there's nothing wrong with wanting it.
The attention receives an externalized response that can then be internalized then eventually, potentially expressed through internal means, externally.
the external-internalized digestion of externalized process.
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