Friday, December 16, 2011

4 am thoughts~ quick

     I've been sitting in front of this box trying to muster up something worth reading, something captivating and drawing~ the increased and diligent effort has brought only a severe lack of creative flow. I've come as far as:
     Weeks roll by with a slow and steady whisper, as the weather chills and the wind bites, we're already sputtering into the new year...hell holiday season. Reflecting (a general trend) the place and position I was in a mere year ago is very different from the present. Not only is my mind, sense of self, and general physical self different, parts of me have developed into....

phbbbttt~ I get it, I've changed over the past year, I've grown up more, developed a more solid grounding...Aren't these things supposed to happen? With each minute, it is completely natural and only reasonable that some part of us matures.

brief thoughts/rants/blahs
...I'm doing a full-fledged healthily-selfish thing. (manipulated apathy?) I spend time doing things I do, or feel I will greater enjoy. When those pestering "guilty" parts start a swirling, I bail. I avoid, ignore...(I'm an awful high-school boyfriend aren't I)? When parts of me feel like others are using their ways to bum me out, bring me down~ snip. I've outgrown (or have no more energy to) putting energy into anything that seems mildly unattractive.

...I do not like wasting time. I do waste a lot of it, but I don't like it. More so...I don't mind wasting time when that "time wasting" is actually "me time." This lies with the...I'ma do what I want~ deal. This relates to so many points, from getting things done at work, waiting in line, walking on the sidewalk, waiting to play "games" (I don't like games-unless there are boards involved), efficiency is pleasing. I can't pretend to be cool with a lack of it.

...I am so done with beating around the bush, playing mind games, "knowing" thoughts. I'm aware of the resume I possess, I'm aware of my studies, but I'm not a mind reader nor am I someone that's willing to play by some rules that are frankly- BS.
     ie: I want to call you, I will; I don't want to see you, I won't.
These societal rules I hear thrown around are so aggravating. "I'll wait til tomorrow to___."    
     Yea, I'm guilty, I ask for advice, but why? What's the point. I'm not talking purely dating and hooking up, in all rounds of it. Mind games are annoying and time consuming, never really fun unless you and the other parties are aware of the rules and communicate what those rules are...wait, game failed.

...You have to do what brings you some joy, and that can lead to potential and sometimes brief happiness.

...A glass of wine is really pleasing...curl up with a book, listen to music, watch a movie, relax after work~ wine is a nice and embraced addition. (this lies parallel with do what makes you happy)

...An early start to the day is best when you do more involved "me-time" and you share it with a loved one...kudos to Hamlet, 고구마, and my fresh coffee^^*!~

Growth is inevitable, and recording and acknowledging that isn't eh...
이태원 on the 한 (photo taken by VeganBeats)

I'll write something better...when it isn't 4:00 am

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