Friday, April 6, 2012

Positive Life, Recognition Stride~

     My uncle arrived in Korea last night, I haven't seen him in nearly 10 years! I'm full of anxiety and am so pumped to see him! I've grown a lot since last time, experienced a wealth of things, as I'm sure he has also. I'm nervous because parts of me fear that I may have changed "too" much from the 14 year old, or the 10 year old girl stuffing her face with 만두. My uncle, in my mind, is the towering gentle giant, taller than any Korean in his generation, determined, kind-hearted, and a 만두 king. When my brother and I were wee kids, he somehow could whip out home-made golden-fried 만두 that was never burnt, never too hot, just crispy, packed with flavor, and always satisfying. This again, brings me back to the family gatherings in the tiny Boston apartment.
     While thinking of meeting up with him today, recollections of my past, recent ones flooded my mind. How many memories I haven't visited in so long, and the ones that I hold very dear, very close, and remind myself of daily. I'm not so much missing home, just wishing I had better access. Which really, where is my "home?"
     This lead to my thinking of how my friends, the people I love, think of often, wish good things for...they may very well not know how powerful and meaningful they are. My friends, on the most part are humble, creative, and intelligent beings. Those adjectives are so few to accurately and honorably describe them, but...I then thought of how I do not, have not told these people how very much I value them, appreciate, care for, and feel about/for them. There are those that, upon their crossing of my mind, I am filled with warmth, or a smile appears spread over my face, or tears escape my eyes. They are self-deprecating in some sense, failing to allocate their "worth" and value. My friends, even now, after years, moments, seconds, continue to inspire me. They continue to contribute to my life, I do hope this doesn't sound selfish, my life has grown and developed into something I'm genuinely enjoying~ and they are in some (many) way(s) responsible for that.
     Leading now to...cutting ourselves short, not taking a moment, or some "me"-time to register who you are, what you're worth, and how very valuable you are. Surely is you feel this way for others, others feel similarly about you...why would they have you around if you didn't contribute something to their life, experience, existence? Some people generally and genuinely register this, and have a very good sense of worth, free of insecurity, for those people~ huzzuh! Many of us though, do not swallow this, especially about themselves. We do not recognize ourselves for all that we are. Maybe fractionally, on some percentage we appreciate ourselves and are connected to the reality of ourselves, we need to do it more often. Don't get cocky, but to remind ourselves.
     This is obviously my current feeling/reflection on this. I find that I, parts of me are very prone to full-fledged self-doubt. I get down on myself, question who I am, my worth, whether I make any impact, and whether I'm actually doing anything in my life or with my life. This becomes a negative and steep mountain, and by the time I recognize this negative spiral (usually) I'm grappling to a branch near the foot of a hill. I fail to recognize who I am, and parts refuse to acknowledge that I am important to others, that in someone else's life~ I'm a welcomed part of it. I need to hold on to my self-worth and argue with the parts that attack me. I need to work on accurately and fully reflecting on the truths that stand clear before me.

     Do not let experiences control your life, let them shape your life. 

     We've all been effected by a negative individual, we've all been rejected or hurt at some point or another. That, those experience(s) needn't control how you conduct the remainder of your existence, allow it to shape who you become and provide you with a conductive lesson. You are not rejected because you are worth any less, or because you're not a valuable person, it's totally that other person's parts. Taking it personally is natural, but the most truthful advice, mantra to go by is this,

"Only make room in your life for people who make room in theirs for you."

     Try to not underestimate yourself, (easier said than done) take some time to recognize how much you do mean and do matter. Those you choose to have in your life, are they awesome? Do you enjoy their company? Do you love your friends? 

Why would you choose to have those people in your life if they only surrounded themselves with jerks or horrible people...if you doubt your worth, or generally that your awesome friends only keep other awesome people around them...
see yourself~ (photo taken by VeganBeats)

you are also then, awesome~

Closing:  To my friends, as impersonal as this may come off as, I appreciate, adore, support, and love all of you so much- And am so thankful for the life you are helping me lead~ xoxoxo
handy hearts just to hammer it in ^^* (photo taken by David)

1 comment: