Saturday, November 6, 2010

Not so silent parts finding my Seoul...internal battles and growth, a brief altercation

     ㅎㅎwork has been...a lot along with everything else...everything else being the old parts of me resurfacing after I foolishly thought they were gone.
     Across the world I figured and foolishly assumed that the insecurities, manipulations, atrocious fears would also be left behind, the fears that prevent me from moving forward, from functioning, from being a full person...another concept I can't swallow. The parts of me that continuously cut myself short, tell (remind) me that I am (may not be) worth it (whatever it is), that I am less than or an excess of something...were quiet and silent for so long, especially since my arrival here in Seoul. I was feeling confident, ~~~good...grounded, then one small instance spurred about this chain of events that brought these old parts screaming and storming. I felt like a sledgehammer was swung into the sides of my knees, shattering them and causing me to crumble before I even acknowledged what just happened....was happening-
      This is a very brief jotting and generalization of what was going on this week...then there is work, the pressure from that, the expectations that not only I put on myself but that I feel others place on me, and then the ones that are actually on sleep, emotionally and mentally drained...I went from place to place searching for...dissociation, another extremely comfortable and uncomfortable zone all at the same time, like under your bed, it's dusty, it's dirty...but safe and hidden.

     It's Friday, and I'm finally taking it easy...well I won't lie, I had a WONDERFUL Thursday night. I got my presentation all sorted out, Jaxs thank you*!~
     Did my work on the subway, drawing pictures of bunnies and foxes, lots of Korean beng thrown my way...need to learn more )O:
     Anyways, didn't get out of work until 8 or so (I think) came home, stressed too much about this presentation, finally showered and wandered towards 홍대!! I was meeting with Jaxs and Stephanie, and ...ahh I love girlfriends**!~
     Didn't get into 홍대 until around 11 or so and we just walked around, got coffee, chatted, caught needed.
     Feeling so lost and floating...not actually floating, not so, free and light...I felt like I was inches off the ground this whole week in a fuzzy thick haze...just, lost. Being with girlfriends is...truly wonderful, I felt like I was wearing glasses or contacts and could see through the fog...if not forever at least for a bit.
I really do love Hongdae, there's just...curiosity everywhere. Giant questions marks everywhere, what's on that street, what does that bar serve, who works there, what's the smell...just a lot of option for discovery.
     I still have yet to check out the vegan cafes in 홍대, Alien's Day Out, another vegan blogger in Seoul,  has mentioned  a bunch, so the next time I'll be there..I'll have to make  a mission out of it.
     I'll be there Saturday night...
~~Anyways, Jaxs, Steph, and I met up with another crew...(O:
and well...I feel better. I had a wonderful evening....and even though didn't get much sleep ^^*, I was the most rested I have been in a while...

Ahhh and my buddy Eli was supposed to come visit Thursday through Sunday from China...and someone stole all of his belongings...)O:
I was looking forward to se ehim, haven't seen him in literally a year...)O:

Anyways...I'll get to the MOFO stuff in a bit
Tomorrow will be fun, I hope, I think...I'm worried. Day with the mom, cross them fingers.

The other day I had to get rip of some veggies kicking it in my fridge, so I attempted japchae...

I love me some spinach and carrots*!~
photo taken by VeganBeats
    I threw a LOT of stuff into this, there's not much potatoe noodle..I just, don't like noodles...but a whole lot of spinach, mushrooms, carrots, onions, and sweet potatoes!!! I'm not into starchy things (poatoes, yams, etc) but...these guys have a nutty flavor and subtle sweetness, and I don't taste much starch...texture texture texture! Anyways...lengthy process.

     Wednesday night is Woodstock night with the crew...I went, but only for an hour or two, Nowon, you are so far away from everywhere else....)O:
Vodka Cranberry, never did I think that this would be my drink of choice nearly everywhere...
photo taken by VeganBeats
     I'm used to Gorilla's drinks, but this drink was really well made. There was just enough vodka to make the cranberry juice taste like cranberry pure fresh there was a lot of vodka. They uced an Ocean Spray equivalent (Korea LOVES sugar) so the slight bitterness brought me a smile....

Anyways...until next time*!~

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