Starting day three: The Master Cleanse

    So, I haven't been updating...sorry~

     I've been keeping myself as busy as possible because...this challenge is affecting me in a rather emotionally vulnerable way (differently from the first time!). I've had essentially no hunger cravings and the detox has been a breeze thus far, but I'm doing it with my partner. For a first cleanse, this one is hella intense.

Anyways, day one~ super easy, not much of an issue at all. Came home, drank my tea...sleep...done! I've been very VERY emotional and my sensitivity has sky-rocketed...BUT this has a LOT to do with the events of this past weekend.

Back story~~~
    My mom owns a accessory store in Boston and every so often, I will be stocking up her inventory. Saturday was that day~ I woke up hella early and got all the inventory then traveled to my Emo's clinic to give her the stuff. After placing electrical needles on my face, she put barely-there bandages on my face to help my burnt skin heal. I've been going a little bit nuts over heavy-face-scrutiny.
     I bid my Emo farewell with a cloak of insecurity and discomfort, these bandages look like ogre warts in my mind. It was maybe 2 in the afternoon and the day was far from over. I had to choose between go home (and probably be destructive) OR get my hair cut and colored. I went with the hair chair and ugh~ this set me off.
   I've been bleaching my hair for a while now and the last mission left my hair pretty destroyed. I was inpatient, made an extremely strong solution, end ended up burning a lot of hair RIGHT OFF!! My stylist decided to give me a "shaggy" look and do a ton of layers. I was trying to breath. He gave me bangs.

I HATE BANGS

    Then he was going on about the cute "shaggy" style. This word...it crushes me. I wasn't the richest kid as a youngin and I got called a scrub a lot...A LOT. I was teased and bullied and ridiculed...and I hated every single damned day of school. I slapped on a smile and fought through fiery tears, everyday for years. To me, for me, shaggy is associated with scrubby, poor, messy, sloppy, gross...it just triggers a mountain of insecurity. 

    And he kept using the damned word to describe ME. 

    Then, he colored it. My roots were awful and he decided to highlight and low-light my locks. After one dyeing round, the low-lights were nonexistent. So, he decided to do it again. 

He colored my hair grey. 

    I've already been sitting in the chair, staring at my fucking mug for over three hours now and the tears were rushing at my eyes with such aggressive force and my damn-eyes were about to break. I have such a difficult time looking at my reflection...and I was doing so for hours on end. I could feel my body screaming and my daemons shrieking. He was speaking, I was feeling heavier. 

     I told him my hair was grey and he tried to debate me for a second then...owned it. Apologized and did some magic and fixed it...but already, so much was built up and triggered that I went to the bathroom and just sobbed. 

    I paid and left and called my buddy and met up with him and a bunch of my other buddies. I wanted to be social and I love my friends, but the entire time, I was thinking about how I looked and how awful and even more ugly I felt. I am so beyond comfortable and I am just...it's broken me up. 

SO~ I've started this cleanse with an extremely broken sense of self-confidence (the teensy bit of it there even was) and am really really upset. I've been crying daily and I don't want to go outside or be seen by anyone. 

    I feel like a scrub. 

Day 2~

     Another easy day in terms of the "hunger" bit. The sensitivity and emotions are haywire though. I hate seeing my students and going to work, being in work. I despise my hair and everything that I look like. I'm really struggling with my physical self. I started crying far too many times today and when I came home, my partner (cleansing himself and reacting differently) wasn't as warm as my marshmallow self was hoping for. 

    More crying... I went to bed early, listened to music and just let my daemons bully me and simmered in the self-hatred. 

     It's now 5 am, and I've spent a large portion of the evening crying and wiping away tears. I've pinched so much of my flaws and really want to sleep all of this away. 

This one is going to be tough, but not because of the lack of food, this is purely and entirely my body dysmorphia, destructive ways, insecurities, and self-hatred. 

There's no where to ignore it, my mind is very clear and very present and dissociating is not possible. 

Here's to the journey and the challenges. 

My Master Cleanse Experience

     I broke my ten day cleanse...I'm feeling honestly rather shit about it too. I did eight full days and just started onto nine until my body literally couldn't do it. I was weak, tired, and nutritionally very off. But, I did greatly enjoy this cleanse, I felt cleaner, lighter, brighter, more aware, clear-minded, and throughout the experience~ I really dug deeper in myself and did a lot of self-reflection. Well...here's the "wrap up."

Day one:
    This first day wasn't hard, I was amped, eager, and the day passed by without any issues. I began the morning with laxative tea and psyllum husks (the salt water flush scared me a bit...a slight sodium fear I've got here). Just a heads up, I had no cayenne so I used gochu pepper powder AND agave. I did scroll far too many blogs boasting of beautiful foods and dreaming up what I wanted to whip up as soon as I succeeded in this mission. I found myself talking far too much about food and definitely annoying my partner. Oops~ To deal and silence the food talk, I made a Korean meal for him and that got loads of my parts smiling. I swear, I genuinely enjoy cooking, making, and providing healthy tasty food much more than ingesting it. I drank my lemon drink and he ate soup...great day! At night, I made myself fresh ginger tea with the lemon rinds and then some laxative tea!

Day two:
     The  morning began with bowel movement and laxative tea. I honestly and maybe embarrassingly will admit that while using the bathroom, I was knocking back my tea. Anyways, this day was the beginning of a new job so I had to plan ahead and make a massive bottle of the lemonade and truck it around. I was a bit concerned about whether or not I would have enough and if I was messing things up due to the lemons not staying fresh.
     I found myself more aware of my surroundings and feeling SO good walking in the sun. I kept closing my eyes and smiling as I bounced to the train station...day appreciation!!! When I got to work, I met a classroom full of punks. I got into teacher mode and then snack time happened....vegan tteokbokki. I had to spoon it out and I had no desire to slip a bit of the sauce into my mouth. I listened to the kids squishing their rice cakes and I drank lemonade.
     After work, I walked to my next job...still bouncing in the sun. I took a super long walk and felt the wind dance through my hair and the sunlight restore my Vitamin D battery. I got to my tutoring gig early and made myself some warm lemon tea and read a book. I was full FULL of energy and eager to share class time. I had more than enough lemonade left and finished it just as I walked back into my apartment. Made another lemonade, laxative tea, and ginger tea and drank everything. And then whined about food to my partner...such a doll I yam....

Day three:
     I had work training today...I got my bathroom time in, made me lemonade for the day and took an hour long walk just to get more sunlight in! I felt really good. Lighter, clearer, achey though. My joints were not feeling very strong but the walking was helping! I got to training and wrapped it up in a fix then walked to Haebongchon...for some reason that I can't quite recall. It was a nice forty minute slow walk and I just was enamored by everything around me. My legs felt so good stretching out and my hair felt alive...just dancing around freely. Ah,...I met up with a buddy to catch up and art-explore! I ran out of my lemonade and had to make one with organic honey (shock!!!) It was delicous and I was SO full. I eventually wandered to the Foreign Food Market and got a massive jug of agave and real cayenne pepper and wandered back home...where again I made ginger tea and laxative tea...snooze.

Day four:
    I started the morning with a bowel movement and knocked back another lax tea right after along with the drink. I was struggling with getting the required eight glasses of this in me, and with water and teas. My tummy was stressing with all of this liquid. I felt really energetic, brighter, happier! I had really achy joints and some pain in my stomach, along with bloating. I could feel my shoulders loosen up and as if some weight was off of me (mentally that is.) I spent the day outside, smiling at the sun, and drawing a lot while inside. I am clearer, more focused...comfortable.

Day five:
   Today was my first day of work and I trucked a giant two liter bottle full of lemonade to school. I felt engaged with the students, more present, and again; clearer. I wasn't hungry or craving food but I was wanting to lay out in the sun in the grass. After work I was planning on walking to Haebongchon (Abby's last girl's night) but decided to try out the bus system. I ended up taking the bus on the wrong side of the road and took a much longer route. Instead of being short or impatient, I was clam...pleasant. Breathing. I eventually got to my destination and found myself so weak and very out of it. I was having a very hard time focusing and staying awake and engaged. I was weak. I drank all my lemonade and made some laxative tea and was fine. I chugged along with my ladies until the end of the night and grabbed a cab home. As weak and tired as I was, my body was able to persevere! I got home, crashed into bed and fell very quickly asleep. Tomorrow was going to be a more demanding night!

Day six: 
    This was a no work, carefree, snuggling, relaxing day. I slept in and enjoyed the peace of my warm bed. I had a bowel movement and was just not hungry enough to want more lemonade. I put it off for a few hours debating whether or not to consume it or not. I knew I needed energy and need to take in something with caloric content, but I just wasn't feeling it. I was also getting a bit dark about myself, the self-hate I possess is a big reason why I wanted to start this cleanse. I wanted (and still) so badly to love myself, respect me, who I am, what I physically am...I want to stop hating myself. I was feeling bloated, large, thick...just very unhappy. I didn't want to eat anything. But...this was Abby's last night in town and the ladies were gathering. I needed to have fuel...I could not crash on this. I was definitely weak, achy, pained, but I honored my goals and kicked it to the girls and had a great night. I kept myself awake with hot teas, laughter, tears, and genuine happiness that I was surrounded by the ladies I adore so much, my sisters. As weak and tired as I was, and felt...I kept out until the early hours and then blundered into a cab back home. I entered an empty house, a tired soul, and the heat of my bed embracing me.

Day seven:
    Another good-bye party was to occur but I was mentally stressed. My partner and I have been arguing and I've been so under-nourished. This played even more into not wanting to ingest anything. I only managed to have a glass of lemonade and instantly felt horrible about myself. I tried on nearly twenty different options for clothes, falling into a fit of tears each time. I was so achy, crampy, and mentally exhausted. I spent most of the day in the house crying...then I gathered myself and joined my friends. Slapped on a smile, some of it genuine because I do love these people. But parts of me craved sleep and complete disappearance. We started off in Gangnam, I drank caffeine-free teas, then we rolled to Sincheon. I was completely out of it, my legs were shaking, my eyes were so heavy, and brimming with tears. I felt like shit, and being better focused-I was in it. I grabbed a cab home, crying every so often, then when I did get home, my credit card couldn't work. The taxi driver was yelling at me in broken English and I felt a surge of weight and pressure. My heart was thumping so loudly and I just wanted to scream. I was experiencing so many different things, so many emotions and...just hatred, self-pity, self-disgust. I gave him US dollars and walked up the five flights of stairs home, opened the apartment door and blacked out. I got up off the floor, dizzy and unsure of what just happened, picked myself up and removed my shoes, bag, changed my clothes, and walked towards the bed where again I found myself on the floor, inches from the bed. I pulled out a liter of lemonade, drank it, grabbed four almonds and threw them into my throat. Then I threw up and pulled myself into bed. Exhausted.

Day eight:
    I kept this day silent and emotionally distressed. I spent most of the entire day inside looking out my big window just thinking and reflecting and self-hating. It wasn't the highest of days for sure. When the sun started to set I went for a long walk. I just blanked out and stepped forward. I can't really trace where I wandered, I know it was for two hours and most of the thoughts going on in my mind were
     "Why am I here? Why isn't this cleanse working? Why do I still hate myself? I hate my _____. I want to just stop everything." A LOT of darkness, sadness, emptiness. I drank one lemonade, two laxative teas, water...and cried or sweated most of it out. When I got home...the house was still empty. I could hear the pang in my stomach screaming with my sensible "healthy" part to get some nutrition. Get some sustenance and then my mood, my place will improve. I didn't listen to it, and wobbled around, drinking hot teas and more lemonade...and staying in this space.
     My partner got home, argument settled and fixed...I wanted...needed food. I could hear everything in me saying I needed it. The emotional, mental, and physical demands had done their part...I needed something. My partner was supportive, I needed to listen to this body of mine.

Day nine:
    It officially was day nine, my body was needing food...my partner and I went to the only place open, a CU. I bought an apple, a mushy apple and it didn't matter. As soon as I bit into it, a peace vibrated through my entire being. My bones and muscles screamed and cheered. I closed my eyes, savored the textures and juices...I just kissed day nine.

     This cleanse...regardless of the ending and negative stuff, was wonderful. (What's really left when you take out the negative right?) I didn't do the cleanse right, I didn't get the minimal amount into my system and I was a bit active throughout the entire process. I wish I had wrapped up day ten but...I will and aim to do this cleanse again. And correctly.

     A few days after, I signed up for a gym and finally got to weigh myself and stretch these hungry muscles of mine.

VeganBeats back Stateside: Rushing around and Bumbling through Brooklyn

     As most people and crew know, I wandered my way stateside for a best friend's wedding (CONGRATULATIONS LOVERS) but while doing so, I invested a lot of emotions and parts work into the trip. The trip was very tightly scheduled and within it, involved traveling all around...but I was ready, and am so glad I did it all.
     I took American Airlines most of the way, and despite rumors of no more veggie meals, they were somewhat accommodating. They came up with some pretty horrid ideas of veggie meals (cucumber, kiwi, butter soggy sandos?!~) I did start my first flight on Japanese airlines and their vegan meal was surprisingly good. I got a green salad with carrots, daikon, spring greens, and a few cherry tomatoes and a simple balsamic redux dressing  the main was a pumpkin, zucchini, carrot, and onion curry served with turmeric rice and peas, and a spicy tomato eggplant jalfrezi. This was served up with a side of two chapati/pita and the dessert was a raw coconut, apple, apricot bar! HELL yeah vegan jams!

Japanese air Vegan meal~ photo taken by VeganBeats

     As soon as I landed, I booked it home for a quick shower and buzzed to The Melting Pot for Nichole's bachelorette party. I honestly wasn't up for eating (and fondue just doesn't get me sassy) and felt vodka was a smarter choice. I asked for a cranberry vodka and got a giant glass of cranberry flavored vodka. Swirling about later I managed to make a couple dozen decorative bows for the wedding.
     The next day (Sunday) was family jams. I made three different types of hummus and one bean dip while my mom made roasted pumpkin, a Japanese soba noodle salad, and mandu soup. Vegan jams for the WIN! Even in pictorial absence, there was a feast prepped and I so wish the wedding was towards the end of the week...lady stress aside and implied insecurities fully owned~ how can I enjoy feasts when I've got a dress to snuggle into at the end of the week?

veggie platter...photo taken by VeganBeats

     Oh~ minor MAJOR detail, my boy Binger~ he remembered me! The little old man full of creaky knees, a foggy eye, digestive struggles, started chatting away the moment I opened the door. He's an old one but still a pup. I'd be lying if I didn't say he was someone I was BEYOND pumped to spend some mama baby time with! 

heya mama~ photo taken by VeganBeats

     Seriously, the second I put him on my chest he stretched out and caught me up on the past year of shenanigans and trouble he's been getting into. Too bad he tired himself out!

sweepy~ photo taken by VeganBeats

     The next couple days was all about finding my ground, getting some rooting in, getting my head back on, reconnecting with positivity, and understanding what it is that I love and need to maintain a pleasant, positive, and productive state of being. Monday began with a blinded sprint through South Station to settle a spot via FungWah to New York ($15.00 to NY from Boston!). I was going to kick it with some Bearquarium loves and I was all too eager to get to NY as fast as possible. BUT 20 minutes outside of South Station, just over the Mass border these horrendous sounds started rumbling in the bass of the bus. Smoke started to billow out and angry hisses erupted out of the bus's sides, it started to slow and the heaviness started to hint in my chest.
      On the side of the highway, half a bus full of people sat seeing hundred of cars wiz by, free of complications. I've only read about the failed FungWah missions, and after taking it for nearly a decade and well over a dozen times, this was a first. After an hour, another bus came and picked us up and this one, bus number two, broke down three separate times on the way to New York.
     I arrived and Towsky just began his class, I hailed a cab after walking a couple blocks (cabs are a plenty...but only in Seoul). I stumbled into a bar, interrupted a class and was presented a strong cranberry vodka (this time WITH juice). Filled with giddiness and genuine excitement about actually sitting NEXT to Towsky, I got far drunker than intended (thanks Professor). I blame my roadster rush into inebriation on BQ love! Once class wrapped up, we headed back to Towsky's and I explored my home for the next two nights. I've only seen Towsky's place via skype and if it was impressive then~ in person it's insane! My favorite part was his indoor greenhouse, goji berries, basil, avocado tree, greens...grahhhhhhhhh.

garden glory~ photo taken by VeganBeats

      After a bit we linked up with Spy and went for a wander around Brooklyn. We stumbled (literally) into a park and started climbing trees (pics later...maybe) and everything felt so balanced. The bliss and content that used to be a big part of my life was surrounding me. (whine: I love my friends here, but I really miss BQ) I was feeling...good, great, at peace. These things have been so clearly and loudly missing from my life here. 

by our park~ photo taken by VeganBeats

      After putting monkeys to shame and getting swirlier than intended, I skipped back home and Towsky, Spy, and I shared a few bottles of wine, laughs, stories, and still...peace. I passed out earlier than intended and woke up at 7!! Towsky conveniently woke up and there were two options; deal with our spinning hangovers sleeping OR throwing on waterproof clothing, sneakers, and hitting the dewy morning on bikes!
     We were both in this world of disbelief. I haven't seen Towsky in years, and though Skype has been brilliant, physical presence is a world of difference. Is this a dream?
     Towsky is now gluten-free and more than accommodating to vegan jams (you are kind of stuck with me ya) and he found Sun In Bloom, a gluten free, raw, and vegan restaurant. (facebook page)

You see these types of signs...all over NY~ photo taken by VeganBeats

     I'm not a breakfast lady but how often am in New York?! How often can I eat a raw meal with a BQ crew bud?
     Phbbbt~ and game~ Towsky got a chia seed almond milk that was nearly pudding. Kissed with cinnamon and coconut, thick and creamy, this drink was pure energy and bliss. It was rather pricey though, but recreation is a mission worth getting on~

chia seed almond milk~ photo taken by VeganBeats

     For a main, he got the Bloom Burger as a salad ($9.25). This is a live burger (nothing is cooked) made up of tomato, basil, caramelized onions and assorted seeds and such. It was served with cabbage, lettuce, with a Live sunflower dill dressing. The dressing was a bit too sweet for me, and I can't help myself, I want sriracha on EVERYTHING.

Towsky's dish~ photo taken by VeganBeats

     I got a Rueben Special as a salad ($9.25), which was marinated tempeh with house made raw sauerkraut and a live creamy Russian dressing. It was served on a bed of raw cabbage and lettuce and dusted in parsley and black pepper.  This was so good, but I've NEVER had a Reuben before so owning that I have nothing to compare it to. But if this is what they taste like...whoa~

My dish~ photo taken by VeganBeats

      After brunch, Towsky had class and I met up with Spy for more jolls around New York. I foolishly wore GIANT shoes and still trekked the town...eh who needs to feel anything below the ankles right?
     We wandered through all of High Rise Park and in all my times in New York, how could I have missed this? The past visits have involved nightly escapades and shows or swirly mornings...another gracious thanks for getting in some sun and having a New York day. The park is quite brilliant, it was a deserted subway line that runs over several main streets in the city. There are hidden art pieces along the path and cute spots to open up a sketch pad, read a book, binge on coffee, snuggle up with a loved one, or just be.

road view~ photo taken by VeganBeats

     When we got to the end of the park I squealed about wanting to see Lady Liberty and being a great sport, he was game to kick it to the Hudson river.
     The weather was pristine, and I was already glowing and full of all this love and grounding, my appreciation and presence with the world was electrifying me. I was feeling so connected to NY, I really loved it, and my energy was more than above baseline. So many people are out;  awake, running, biking, loving, snuggling, singing- int heir own world's and still interacting in this world, on the river, on the roads. The community is present!! I know Seoul has it's special things too, but there's something really nice about seeing and being with all that activity!
     We wandered to the Freedom Tower (hell yea NY) and we wandered back toward his neighborhood for coffees while waiting for Towsky to get out of class. Whilst binging, I was on mission numero two...VT~ I wanted and planned to kick it with as much of BQ as possible, and I wanted to squeeze it in before Wedding Rehearsal time. I came to discover that the only possible way I could do this was to catch an 8:30 am bus to Burlington and arrive at 4 then to catch the 2am bus BACK to Boston at 7:30am. I did complain and argue with the computer for a bit, but if I was Seoulside, I'm sure I'd be in such a bitter and angry position where hatred would fill my veins. I was frustrated, but...aigo.
     Spy and I got out missions done then met with Towsky for a late dinner...messing up subway lines and getting confused we took longer than planned (Seoul subways...thank you for making sense to me) and by the time we got to his place...like old times, I was interrupting slumbers. Spy juiced up our mission and we whirl-winded out to the chilly streets for another wine and dine mission.
     Oh Towsky's place is even better because there's a Trader Joe's so super close!!! ughghhghghghg I'm a space cadet in Joe's and though I was wine-focused, I started wandering and had to be barked at to get focused...Damn You Joe!!
     A quick wine purchase and we went to Mocha Hookah, a grungey and delicous Mediterranean spot. We got a cute corner booth and still...I can't string enough words together to express my peace. As soon as we sat, we got a generous plate of green olives; oily, briny  just enough sour to draw me in. These fatty morsels are a treat...god damned the dress haunting me in my home.

olives~ photo taken by VeganBeats

     Dishes and appetizers were all affordable and the fact that Mediterranean was suggested absolutely tickled me. Making consumption easier for me is not a huge things, but a few people have always gone out of there way to just...help me out. Also, I LOVE going out to eat with these boys, hungry people hell yeah! We got a tabouli salad, LOADED with parsley and light on the bulgur, hummus, babaganoush, a falafel platter (with extra falafel balls), a thick salad (greens for V), pita, and stuffed grape-leaves for Spy. I generally and regrettably kind of despise eating with friends, or in public, or amongst a community. I'm one of those solo-diners, but back in the day, BQ always did family style, and this was just another way to give me a gift of grounding and home. I've savored those meals with the BQ family although I did most of my consumption with Spy. This connection back "home" brought me closer to BQ, safety, acceptance, and clarity.
     How I've missed home...

tabouli~ photo taken by VeagnBeats

family style noms~ photo taken by VeganBeats

     Post belly bulging, we scampered back to Towsky's and opened up my new wine and enjoyed my final night in Brooklyn.
     The details of the evenings needn't be explored, I just left feeling a lot of peace, grounding, content, and a better understanding of where and what I want to be. A whole slew of parts were/are talking and this sounds potentially awful and ungrateful of me to say, but for the first time in a really long time, I felt like I was stepping on some ground. I could see a bit clearer and I felt warm, safe...I was happy, I was present, and I wasn't stressing. I was joking around, feeling light-hearted, ate a huge meal and was good with it. All this comfort and "home" I used to feel was visiting me. My parts have been waiting for it and embraced these very comforting emotions willingly, almost hungrily. It felt as if these parts have been missing, left behind, taken...and we were rejoined, just for a bit, but I think I can see the ground, or make out a hemisphere...
     I feel so much better now that I've interacted with these parts again, I do feel like I've carried some of them back with me...but I'll get into this later.

Until later~

Sun In Bloom:
Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner & Weekend Brunch
Hours: 8:30am-9pm {M,T,W,Th,F} Weekend~ 10am-5pm
Address: 460 Bergen Street Brooklyn, NY 11217
Phone #: (718) 622-4304
E-mail: info@suninbloom.com
Facebook Page

Mocha Hookah:
Hours: 9am-midnight Everyday
Address: 183 Atlantic Ave Brooklyn, NY 11201
between Court and Clinton St
Phone #: (718) 624-6764
E-mail: info@mochahookah.com
Facebook Page

VeganMofo "itches"

     Catching up on some stuff I've missed throwing on this page of mine~
These are some "itch'n'the'kitchs" from the beginning of October~

SUPER protein packed stir fry, SUPER Protein, Fabulous fiber, Delectable~ photo taken by VeganBeats

the breakfast I'm excited to eat, apples, cinnamon, walnuts, pecans, dried cranberries and cherries All downed with a GIANT coffee~ photo taken by VeganBeats

Super green wrap, kale/broccoli/zucchini/gosari cutlets (gluten free), avocado spiced spread, dijion mustard, cucumbers...nom nom nom~ photo taken by VeganBeats

Vegan "tuna" sando (inspired by AliensDayOut)~ photo taken by VeganBeats

a messy open-faced sando on whole wheat baguette. Slivered zucchini, garlic green hummus, dijon mustard, thick tomato garlic onion sauce chalk full of kale, cabbage, tofu, nutritional yeast, and spinach...Oh and there's a tofu cashew nut basil cheese...sando preggo~ photo taken by VeganBeats

Yikes~ O_o#

Happy VeganMofo kids~

Birthday post is coming because VeganBeats its sprinting into the upper 20's now (aigo!) And I'm sprinting with smiles~

Tofu Scram for Brekkie~

      HEYA MOFO muthas~ >_<
I'm going to pat myself a tad on the back for keeping up with this "challenge", I know it's only been a few days but...I'm doing it!!
     A classic breakfast jam is scrambled eggs. I remember as kid being overwhelmingly stoked when I first learned how to make these fluffy eggs! My brother and I would go nuts and make them as intricate or colorful as possible. They were a base for any and everything we were craving, like a kitchen sink scramble. Considering this nifty lifestyle of mine, I haven't had scrambled eggs on over a decade (!!!) but a classic and go to Sunday morning hangover healer is scrambled tofu! Similar to the scrambled eggs I'd smother in ketchup as a child, but this time cruelty-free, healthier, high in fiber and protein, and dare I say, more versatile?!
     Scrambled tofu only needs a few basic ingredients, pepper (why, because it's great), turmeric (color and extra noms), and tofu. If you want an "eggy" flavor, black salt is the secret ingredient. I throw in loads of veggies to add extra nutrition and a bit of more visual pleasure.
     The one pictured is chalk full of zukes, tomatoes, teeny chunks of kale, red pepper (attempting to grow a tolerance for this), avocado(!!!), and veggie bacon crumbles. I threw in cayenne pepper, sriracha, some white pepper, and a kiss of curry.

What you need:

1. tofu (as much as you want really, a block will feed two people, if you're super hungover...don't share)
2. 1-2 teaspoons turmeric (more if you like it)
3. 1 teaspoon of black salt (again, adjustable)
4. whatever veggies you're craving
5. 1-2 Tablespoons of olive/coconut/sesame oil (want an Asian kick, sesame that jam!)

What to do:

1. heat up a medium-large skillet with the oil on medium high
2. Smash that tofu (pat it dry) with your hands and throw it in the steamy pan
3. add in the spices and mix, let it brown a bit
4. **If you're adding veggies, throw them in with the tofu of even a bit before to soften them up
5. dish it up, and smother in whatever sauces you fancy, or just consume

a bowl of hangover-healer...tofu scramble~ photo taken by VeganBeats

Itchin in the Kitch backup~ and other foodstuffs

     I've been playing around in my kitchen/apartment/bedroom...(ugh) and I've come up with some pretty tasty and complex things...
     Here's just a little visual stimulation that may birth savored/taste-budded orgasms~~

Ginger jammin fusion General Tsao's tofu~ photo taken by VeganBeats

garlic ginger stir fry~ photo taken by VeganBeats

mini whole wheat thin crust pizza, topped with black pepper and garlic roasted pumpkin, zuchini, and onion, basil red pepper lettuce pesto, a dollop of tofu cashew nut chili pepper cheeze, a bit of red tomato salsa fresca and pinto bean blend, and balsamic redux...a glorious bite~ photo taken by VeganBeats

     Asides from my apple days, and kitchen experiments, eating out or having a meal made for me is pretty rare. I tend to lean to the raw and easy energy providers, but last week Scotty Soul made me a special vegan (and glorious) dinner! It was complex, delightful, healthy (yay!) and right up my alley. Veggies, salad, balsamic, garlic, AND high in fiber...get to the VeganBeats heart why don't you!!
     He got a brilliant idea to marinate Asian pears in balsamic and lightly heat them up on a skillet! The subtle sweetness and rough (in the cutest way >_<#) texture sponges up the vinegar and left something juicy and savory, while still remaining crunchy! He threw this on a bed of salad~ romaine, green leaf lettuce, cucumbers, sprouts, thimbleweed, carrots, cherry tomatoes, and pecans! It was served with a balsamic redux and the drink~ lemon, pomegrante, improvised red sangria with green onion, Asian pear, and garnished with a crunchy pecan.

improvised sangria~ photo taken by VeganBeats

Scotty  Soul's vegan meal! photo taken by VeganBeats

    Healthy, fresh, inventive, almost 100% raw, high fiber, sodium free, and tummy tempting...

     singing~

Vegan Beatin' in the Philippines, day 2: Jeepney Joyride to Port Barton

     Classic public transportation falls into the groups of buses, trains, cars, bikes, horseback, motorcycles, what have you. I'm used to the webs of Seoul subways, cabs, and buses...stateside, I called to legs and bikes, the Philippines, there are motorbikes and jeepneys!
     Jeepneys are jeeps on steroids...they resemble school buses and make such a jarring noise, they announce their oncoming presence! People are piled into these guys, literally piled!
     Day dos was a mission to Port Barton, we wanted beaches and we were getting to them...there's a jeepney that barrels to Port Barton for about 250p (6,690 원 or $7)!! The bus station is called "San Jose station." It is home to my first public restroom Filipino style...I nearly vomited. This is a short video pre-bathroom story~

       First, there is a charge to use the bathroom, about 20p (535원 or $0.47 USD), there is no toilet paper, no toilet covers, and no flush. The bathroom is covered in an ashy sticky dust that's painted like a Pollack in sweaty water; and outside the crooked metal stalls are giant trash barrels full of water. There are no hanging hooks in the bathroom; balancing my purse on my knees while clutching onto toilet paper and crouching strategically over the bowl and avoiding a potentially fatal fall was my main point of focus... What makes this situation even more uncomfortable is...my body had a calling. (aiii digestion) and being Korean, balancing acts over toilet bowls isn't too difficult but I was dealing with a no flush and body-demand situation. I started to hear laughter and more footsteps brazing with the floor. My heartbeat started to pound in my ears and I was sweating profusely at this point, nerves, heat....

literally how will I deal with this shit.

     So I stood...trying to figure out what to do. I checked out the plumbing mechanics, no help there and after about five minutes of standing in the stall, I hear the women next to me leave her stall (what no flush!) and take a bucket of water out of the trash barrels right outside her stall and manually deal. Aha~ at this point, there was a party in the candy-coated bathroom...I was the only foreigner, feeling like a dog with a tail between it's legs, I poured a couple buckets, washed my hands and ran. aiiii~
        The guesstimate of our jeepney mission is that after a 4 hour drive, we'd be sipping cocktails and basking in the gloriously sunny and salty scented-beaches.

photo taken by VeganBeats

     There were a few stops and more people would nuzzle up together. I saw a lot of painfully adorable kids snuggling up to their parents and grandparents...how did these people rock jeans, crammed jeepneys, AND  a warm snugly kid on their laps?!

lovey snuggles~ photo taken by VeganBeats

     Two hours in we made a bathroom/food/beer pit stop. I used the second grossest bathroom and felt like a pro, I knew what to do... The pit stop stores were caked in dust, left pricetag-less, but still offering some potentially sustainable calories. First though, I played with a mangled kitten...these animals, ai they all need love. I was getting a bit sneered at, not aggressively more like "ech, she touching that thing?!"

love love love! photo taken by Scotty Soul

     Washed hands again and after store searching I got a cashew sugar patty (literally a ton of cashews sticking together through a maple like sugar base) and sweet potato bread, made up of rice flour, sugar, and purple sweet potato! So good~

blurry bread~ photo taken by VeganBeats

     It's hot, I was sweaty, there was a good half of the trip left and my legs were sticking to the chair and the women next to me...Red Horse again, a litro. Energy fuel and drunky jams...game on~

Red Horse, Scotty Seoul, and bread~ photo taken by VeganBeats

     The cashew patty was delicious, is had a smokiness to it and although sweet, was generously filled hugged in cashews, and the bread, was beyond expectations! It was light, naturally sweet, had a strong sweet potato flavor, and it just hit the spot! Red Horse, you can't go wrong...went down nice, and the two hour trip was somehow more fun! (sloppy slurry beats~)

photo taken by VeganBeats

     Finally we arrived....all the shit was worth it....

photo taken by VeganBeats

     Ahh I may have lost original focus....I love jeepneys~

annnnd ~  More to come...aiiiii

You CAN make friends with salad...Best Dressing!

     I love salads, eat them everyday if not always~ I always hear the snap attack

"You can't make friends with salad"

~~~jargon from omnis (primarily) and..well the vegan jams gets picked on often but hey...ignorance is an inevitable right?!
     Sometimes to make a salad satisfying for even the pickiest and animal-bit crazed folk, you need a great sauce, marinade~ a bangin' sexy dressing!! I've got it...lather greens in this and you got something everyone wants to slurp up...slutty greens!

salad with that special sauce! (photo taken by VeganBeats)

     I got this recipe from Kufner, a BQ crew buddy~ This dressing pairs some of my favorite things, vinegars and mustard...wait, that's vinegar!

     It's super simple, super flavorful, and mind blowingly addictive~

What you need:

1. good quality olive oil (extra virgin!)
2. balsamic vinegar (I go with Blaze...yummmm)
3. 2-3 garlic cloves, minced (I like them BIG)
4. 1-2 T of sweetener (I like maple syrup or coconut sugar)
5. 2 T of whole grain mustard

What to do:

1. get a 1:1 ratio of Balsamic to Olive oil going...about 1/2-1 cup each will do!
2. mix them up and add everything together
3. shake/whip/mix it all up, taste and add salt or more of whatever to make even more perfect for you...
4. What, simple, done already?! Go buddy up with them greens friend!! ^ㅊ^*



Raw Meal loving~ featuring bangin high-fiber green pea hummus poser

      Over the past couple weeks I've been playing around with more complex raw foods/meals. I usually stick to carrots, cucumbers, and any type of vinegar (load up that mustard and balsamic) but I've been wanting to mix things up! I've also been trying to keep my wallet a bit thicker for the Philippines (^ㅊ^*) so using whatever has been kicking it in my food cabinet is the only choice! This raw meal (salad) started with chopping up everything I had in my fridge, every veggie that's been chilling (hahah) got sliced and diced and sat staring at me in a bowl...balsamic (hell yea) is my go to, but I ran out of that so...the closet hunt began. I had a can of peas...0.o# I wasn't craving the lovely circular form of peas and wanted something to coat and equally be divided amongst all the chopped bits...hummus-like spread was called for! Garlic, black pepper, jalapenos, and a food processor...BOOM!

photo taken by VeganBeats

     So it may not be pretty, but it's healthy, delicious, full of flavor, and I felt super good after it! I found myself full of energy post-nomming and not feeling guilty~ 았사!!!~

yum~ (photo taken by VeganBeats)

     So...everything involved: red, purple, AND green cabbage, carrots, romaine lettuce, iceberg lettuce, green onions, and cucumbers!!! Chop chop choppy~~~Then I threw in a bunch of this bangin high-fiber green pea hummus poser~

What you need:

1. can of green peas (it's what Korea's got) so maybe 1.5 cups of green peas
2. 1-2 t black pepper
3. 1 jalapeno (or more!~~)
4. 2-3 cloves of garlic (or more~)
5. water OR olive oil (I opted out)

~> got a food processor? Blend that ISH!!

Mix that raw jazz up!! 

     The salad/meal is high in fiber, got lots of protein, full of natural flavors and super filling! Hella Chyea~

the word that spat on majority~

     Where do you turn when you're feeling down, or so full of negativity? There are the easy recommendations everyone gets; go for a walk, seek out friends and loved ones, exercise...but realistically, where do you turn?
     I've been on an upswing for a while...and it's been splendid but I feel like I've set up this ornate and deeply intricate architectural foundation that's draped with a sheer brightly adorjned fabric. From the outside it seems sunny, a positive and genuinely content structure. Yes, everyone is far more complicated when you dig a bit deeper; I'm feeling like my parts have all worked very well together at supporting a positive influence or seemingly always (mostly) jovial character. Those happy parts have been embraced, lovingly accepted...so much so that these hard-hearted, hurt, negative parts have foolishly began to feel that possibley they too will be embraced.
     Lately, I've found myself resorting to sixth and seventh grade parts, the plastic smile slapped across a chubby, sweaty, and very ugly face. I had a lot of love and a wonderfully naive energy about me; I was genial, kind to others, but often compared to a "puppy dog." I followed others, handed out compliments like political stickers... gave lots upon loads of love while the self-hatred I posessed grew darker, stronger, and seemingly, still very much alive.
     This is a negative and 13 year old part guiding this post...but we all posess a younger part, maybe one we're proud of, jealous of, loving of, or ashamed of...there really are an infinite amount of emotions that are directed towards it.
     I feel like I can only learn from it, understand where in myself it found some sort of energy and inspiration to pretend, to protect...to move forward. At my age, when I feel those insecurities (the younger less developed though powerful) where did I direct myself, where did I turn for motivation to continue on and chug through? Did I have better coping skills and resources then?
     Rejection, it all comes down to that word, one that sounds like a small knife puncturing your skin, a spat out delicacy. My parts have worked out a way to manipulate and resort almost all of my negativity and self-esteem to that very noun. It's a realm that impacts, if not reigns over most of my thought process/being...in terms of the self. Where did it inspire from, originate...and why/how/when did it get this girth?
     Also, if it is notabley so common and very much present, why and how have I not developed some parts that brush it off? I'm conflicted and confused as to where I turn if it all translates to this same energy...

     It's raining over me a bit now and though inspiring some mindfulness, thoughts, and reflection...the silverlining itself is being thrown in another direction.


...but I refuse to lose sight of it...

Jungle Racing...and monkey poo~ready to race

     This week we all were granted a great day off, my original plan was to spend Tuesday night out causing all sorts of ruckus. Instead I made a meek attempt at getting rest so I could start Wednesday off with a Jungle race!! I was only running a 5k but my goal was to snap pictures, be a tigress, and beat my time from last year.
     In preparation for jungle madness, I bought Ajumma styled snow leopard pants and some Ajumma cheetah lingerie...the icing on the cake was tiger ears, tail, and bowtie~

Ready to Race~ (photo taken by VeganBeats)

     The sun was beating down, but spirits were high and everyone honored the jungle theme...well us foreigners did. Elephant thongs, Tarzan and Jane get ups, Flinstone garb...we were IN~ 

     My race was great, I kept pace, party rocked with LMFAO, AND beat my time~ 28 for a 5k versus last year's 30!

But...monkeys threw poo at my face when I went back to the race tent. 

     Everything of mine, my entire bag was stolen. My wallet, purse, change of clothes, phone charger, credit cards, id cards, sketchbook, schedule book, reading book, and....my camera. I keep realizing how much of my stuff is gone. I tried to remember an appointment I had...data book is gone, my drawing pens: gone, make up: gone, house keys: gone...I'm trying to keep face (ha) I wandered around and well...still hoping for a silverlining. 

post-race tiger~ (photo taken by VeganBeats)

     I had to rock the rest of the day in mismatched feline coats and sports gear. More shambles happened throughout the day~ tree climbing and concussing, hospital naps, rooftop BBQ's... 

     I wandered through Itaewon's area and spent time with wonderfully supportive and loving people but I wasn't in it. I'm feeling powerless and so stripped of things and I HATE this feeling. I am very uncomfortable of having to rely on others, not having my things in order, and not having the opportunity to escape from situations. It's shallow maybe to admit but...I was feeling so ugly and disheveled in my running gear while everyone is comfortable, showered (maybe), and put together. Ugh...self-consciousness and insecurities were feasting on my situation. 

Ugh~ bailing on this~~

     Focusing on positives:

1. had a productive Wednesday morning
2. hung out and met some really cool people
3. got to Party Rock with LMFAO
4. didn't get last place
5. I was a tigress/feline of some sort
6. I had fun,,,prior to stealing and pieces of time post
7. I took pictures...some, but I'll never see them
8. many people helped me out
9. I BEAT my 5k time from last year...this year~ 29 minutes

Yeah, I know it isn't amazing but...I can taste a faster time soon~

ugh...here's to hoping stuff comes up~

Best~

A smidgen of what's up~ ish

     My posts have been getting increasingly more sporadic as of late~ the natural "necessities" have been getting in the way, but that really isn't worth delving into! There really is only one direction to go, right?!~

photo taken by VeganBeats

     Anyways, figured I'll just post some food porn pictures of things I've eaten, or made, or played around with for the past week(s)!

slow roasted and cooked curry, chalk full of everything in my fridge that needed loving~
(photo taken by VeganBeats)

     On the way to work everyday, there's this teeny little lady selling trash bags loaded with veggies...I 've never bought anything, but it's impressive that everyday she provides this veggie service!

veggie granny~ (photo taken by VeganBeats)

     I want to eat more raw, cleanse the body, feel healthier, brighter, etc~ I'm loving the upswing so why not continue and support it right? This is one of the many raw things I played around with~

raw taco~ (photo taken by VeganBeats)

     Raw tacos, wrapped in big iceberg lettuce leaves is a avocado, tomato, onion, and spicy cucumber filling~ kicked with cayenne, chili, course sea salt, cambodian pepper, and sriracha~ I also threw in some raw tofu...verdict~ filling and delicious!!

I'll get some more vegan eats in...

Another weekend of adventure awaits!!

Random Vegan Eats spamming...(and a guestimate recipe!)

     Not the spam that you sweep up after you mold up those hot dogs...it's been a while and this blog has been all about music, talent, photography, and kicking it...there's still some vegan nomming that happens! And there def some kitchen playing...Here's some stuff from the past week, two weeks, month?!? eiighhhh

carrot and zuke noodles~ (photo taken by VeganBeats)

     My genuine dislike for pasta has been solved...zucchini noodles are where it's at! Gluten free, versatile, high in fiber, high in deliciousness! I made zuke and carrot noodles and plated it up with a semi-raw cherry tomato, wine, garlic, black pepper, and balsamic redux~

     I met with a friend and slurped a morning hangover away with a wine sorbet...make sense, meh, tasty~ yes!

wine sorbet~ (photo taken by VeganBeats)

     One day I got all sorts of ideas in my head and wanted to make a spicy, highly flavorful, but stripped of any fat possible, tofu-based dish. I wanted crunch, heat, and variety...result~ this plate of "stir-fried" tofu, zukes, mushrooms, onion, and kale in a soy garlic and gochujang redux! 

in it's reduced glory~ (photo taken by VeganBeats)

     I wish I had a recipe to provide...it was a kitchen craze of octopus style hand-ingredient throwing!

Here's a guess:

What you need:

1. tofu, slice it any way you want, and drain!
2. 1/2 an onion sliced...I'm all about half moons!
3. 1 small zuke, slice it the way you want!
4. enoke mushrooms...go with what you're wanting!
5. shitake mushrooms...see above!
6. 3-4 cloves of garlic, crushed. 
7. as much kale as your heart desires. 
8. low-sodium soy sauce
9. 1 T gochujang

What to do:

1. maybe 1 tsp of oil heated in a pan, throw int he tofu when it's hot
2. throw in the onions and zukes when the tofu is browned
3. throw in everything but the kale, garlic, soy sauce, and gochujang after maybe 6 minutes.
4. add the kale, soy sauce, and garlic...mix
5. add the gochujang sauce....if too thick, add splashes of water...
6. cook down til it's as thick/thin as you want!
7. plate, sprinkle sesame seeds, eat, smile!

Grand apologies for not being able to provide more directed details!!

Ahhh and another picture to throw in your face!

     Man joked about breakfast that past weekend, and I threw together everything in my fridge and made a heaping amount of 전, what was in all of this?

전party~ (photo taken by VeganBeats)

     Beansprouts, kimchi, scallions, zukes, kale, spinach, mushrooms, and loads of love! I made a bit too much...but hey, parties can't be too much right....right?

Anyways...promises on more food posts~ 

Veg-on!    

    

Sandeul Kimbap: 산들김밥

     I haven't indulged in any 김밥 for a hella long time. It's a traditional, inexpensive, and on-the-go type of meal for Koreans (think sandos, wraps, granola, or even powerbars for the state-siders). It's pretty straight forward, rice, veggies, maybe a protein all rolled into some 김 (seaweed) or laver. There's  a place close to my house that really packs them...overflowing and generous.

loaded (photo taken by VeganBeats)

     I like that the fillings are far more generous versus the rice...if only Korea got on the brown rice trend...

Directions to Sandeul Kimbap:
Seoul University of Education (교대역) station, exit 14, walk straight for about 5 minutes and take a Right (at the light) and walk straight for another 5 minutes. Take the Right after the Emart express store and BBQ place, walk about 200 ft and it's on your left.

Most 김밥 is around 2,700 W..($2.00)

Banana milk shake with coconut cream pie

     I've never gotten care packages before coming to Korea, I remember being the kid without palankas (yea Feehan) and Valentine's boxes while in college. I remember being jealous and little bitter about that, while my roommates gutted boxes of lovey cards, candy, or Birthday presents. Regardless, I'm more than thankful and loving towards my family. My mom just sent over my new camera (YEA!!!) and a camera bag FULL of surprises.

eye drool (photo taken by VeganBeats)

     So many larabars!! I got coconut cream pie and chcolate chip brownie. Whoa they are delicious, and you feel so healthy after them. Well, more so after nomming on the coconut ones. (I think I have a slight aversion to anything chocolate)
     Anyways, going with the frugal lifestyle, these super helped and I woke up the other day craving for energy. I'm a strict tea or coffee in the am person but...I got slightly inspired and scrounging my fridge I found a small banana (thanks lunch ladies >.<#) and some soy milk. I whipped up this yummy dish!

yum! (photo taken by VeganBeats)

     I simple blended the soymilk and banana til it got bit frothy, added two mini coconut cream pie Larabars (crushed) and boom, energy, fiber, and loads of energy.

     My favorite thing about Larabars, besides less than 5 ingredients, it's raw, and pretty pure. I love how the natural sweetness of all the fruits and nuts shines through!

Mission to make my own, I'll make it happen!

김치찌개 and baby oyster mushroom yumminess*!~

Been cooking a bit at my place...it's getting cold, and this woman needs something warm...

First, my mom recently visited Seoul and she was super thoughtful and more than kind and whipped up some 김치찌개 for me, and froze it up for me (thanks ^_^). I've always LOVED 김치찌개 but everywhere around here it's made with fish stock and slabs of finely cut pork/beef/ fish/ meats...so I was more than happy to spoil myself with a big bowl of this!! Plus...it brought me home and reminded me of my family in the states for a bit....(strangely Korean food reminds me of my time in the states as a child...always Korean)


김치찌개
photo taken by VeganBeats

       A new produce market has opened up near my 학원 and I've been checking it out after teaching. Because it just opened there are some GREAT sales, a HUGE bag of oyster mushrooms was 2,000W, 3 cucumbers for 1,000W, and a big bag or onions for 3,000W...c'mon, I was on top of that.
     I came home with a bounty of new fresh produce and my mind started working...I don't really remmeber what my process was, or what I did but twenty minutes later I made this, and...yumm*!~


photo taken by VeganBeats

Obviously a bunch of the baby oyster mushrooms, onion, freshly ground Cambodian pepper, a splash of soy sauce, and red pepper. It was warm, full of flavor, and I felt so spoiled. It didn't have too much soy sauce or pepper (which is great), you could really taste the earthiness of the mushrooms...I have to say I like the baby ones more. They're cute and not to overwhelming in size. I always feel like I'm going to choke on the king oyster...

Not too much cooking fun, I really do wish I had an oven....ah, the fun I would have*!~ ^_^